Failed Nursery Rhymes

Rickety snickety, my son John
Went to work with his trousers on.
Nobody noticed, so I guess that’s that.
Pull another story out of your hat.

          * * *

The mastiff and the tabby
might have got into a fight,
but one’s awake in daytime,
the other’s out at night.
Nuthin’ here to see folks,
so just move it right along.
Try again and see if you
can sing a better song.

          * * *

Lullaby, lullaby, sleep like the dead,
while meaningless images dance in your head.
Sleep when you’re told to and wake when it’s time,
and that’s how you keep mom and dad out of crime.

          * * *

If you think that I’m odd, well then you should see Pete.
He works with his hands and he stands on his feet.
He smells with his nose and he hears with his ears.
He sees with his eyes (which are also for tears).
He talks with his mouth and he thinks with his brain,
so all things considered, he’s clearly insane!

          * * *

Once there was a princess,
and once there was a prince,
who, to wed each other,
no one could convince.
But monarchies must carry on,
and so their parents made
political arrangements…
it was marry or invade.

          * * *

Elementary, junior high,
college, work, and then you die.
Pick a major, pick a job,
and join the mindless working mob.

          * * *

I wish I had a nickel,
I wish I had a dime,
I wish I had a dollar
every time a rhyme goes wrong.