Bad Nana

My name is Bad Nana, just look at me shoot,
I’m a grandma banana, and outlaw to boot.
Abscond and absquatulate, that’s how I steal,
The sheriff can’t hold me—I’m out on appeal.

Taverns and brawls, well, I’ve been in a bunch.
My right hook’s a doozy, and so’s my fruit punch.
Tussle with me and you’ll think it’s uncanny
This granny bananny done whupped your sweet fanny.

Whatever you do then, just don’t call me yellow—
I’ll turn you the shade of my pineapple jello.
I’ll carry on breakin’ the law til I’m dead,
A bandit I’m born, til banana I’m bread.

Back when I was green, terrorizin’ the West,
“Chiquita Bandita” was stitched on my vest.
Now men run and hide from my crocheted bandana,
In fear of Bad Nana, the Grandma Banana.

Bad Nana, courtesy of Curtis Boone.